In Canada...

...until further notice...or October 20th, whichever comes first. Updates to come!

Motion

I am moving again.

This time it's a bit less dramatic than the last.

I am simply moving bedrooms, in the same house.

Just a bit of a shimmy downstairs and voila, living life on a whole new level...

My flatmate is moving out and in with his girlfriend, and I have decided to 'downsize', taking a smaller, cheaper room - mostly because it is cheaper, but also because it's nice to shake things up a little bit, and I wouldn't mind initiating a gradual process of culling over the next few months, which smaller spaces seem to demand.

So I guess that's the other big news. I will be returning to Canada for the first time in more than three years this June, for the intended duration of four months, before returning to Auckland in October. More about that later.

It's amazing how much of the energy of moving is still present even in such a seemingly insignificant shift. The subtle buzz of inspiration, the anticipation, the moments of reflection.

I was clearing out a drawer just now and just when I thought I was done something shiny in the corner caught my eye. It was my Peace Corps passport (which I sort of vaguely remember should have been surrendered to some government official at some point)...and with just a touch of nostalgia I picked it up...a little ceremonially.

Evidence the dream was real.

I look for that sometimes. When I was on the island I used to dream of the city, and would wake up wondering which universe was real. Recently I had a dream I was back on the island, but things had changed. There had been more "development", and some of the familiar sights were almost unrecognizable. But the thing is, the coconut trees were lower to the ground.

I reached up and plucked a fresh green coconut with one hand and expertly sliced it open with a nearby bush knife, and as I tilted my head back and lustily drank back the nectar I thought to myself, "Thank God this is real. Thank God this coconut is real."

And then I woke up.

But that was awhile ago, and today as I thumbed through the pages of the passport, reread the dates and airports on all the stamps, searched my eyes in the picture for the innocence I claim to miss, with a sigh I thought to myself,

Who knew?

You know?

Like...who knew I'd end up here?

I've had a recent epiphany about my physical health, which may indeed have psychological and even spiritual ramifications.

I have discovered almost accidentally that I have probably been deeply dehydrated for a very long time.

I did a bit of a cleanse a couple weeks ago, a pretty casual self-directed apple fast, followed by an actual fast with some kriyas (yogic cleansing practices) and some relatively intense meditation and chanting practice. Throughout this period I was extremely conscious of staying hydrated, setting myself little goals for water intake throughout the day.

But I found that once I started drinking I almost couldn't stop. I was incredulous at how much water I was consuming, craving, absorbing. You know how people say when you dramatically increase your water intake you are always running to wee and you feel really bloated and stuff? I just didn't have that. All that water was going somewhere.

I'm not saying it's the be all and end all of all my health problems but it's been a fascinating and promising water-logged week since.

So here's the trick, right? To encouraging the habit of regular hydration. Here's the epiphany...

Before when I wanted a glass of water I'd fill it up, drink it, and put it down, right? And then the next time you want a glass of water you do the same...right? Like this is how you drink water, right?

Wrong!

Fill it up, drink it, FILL IT UP. Immediately. So then the next time the thought even STARTS to cross your mind that MAYBE you want to drink something, or perhaps your eyes fall on the glass as you're looking for something else, or whatever...your glass is already full when you need it.

Think about it.

Far out, right?

I hope now you understand how my world has turned upside down for the better recently.

There is one more thing I'd like to share. Some of you with experience 'in the field' may have already made this connection.

You may or may not be aware that fresh green coconut water is one of nature's most effective, efficient, and fast-acting rehydrative solutions. So, like, if you're dying of thirst even a little green coconut can save your life.

I'm just saying it's interesting is all...

2010 So Far: The Practical

I prefer not to think of this blog as "abandoned".

Let's just say it has just been...dormant, for various reasons...none of which are interesting enough to explore here. Although I suppose it must be said that probably the major reason is also the least glamourous: after years of resistance I finally joined Facebook. Of course it is a very different forum of online communication, but in some ways it 'does the job' enough to make you not think about writing blog updates. Okay...ME. I won't make assumptions about the rest of you...

I am well aware that long lapses in communication mean I have probably lost most of my previously loyal (and oh-so-close-to-my-heart!) readership, but there must be some of you still kicking around...somewhere.

So I intend to update you all on "2010 So Far" in two parts: The Practical and The Personal. This is the first.

January sort of accidentally began at the Prana Blue Moon Festival in the Coromandel peninsula.


While everyone else I knew made exciting plans to hightail it out of Auckland and go camping over the Christmas holidays, I just assumed I'd kick around the city and use the quiet time to make some extra cash, as I had done pretty much every Christmas 'holiday' period of my semi-adult life.

It was actually a pretty sad and stressful time in general. It felt like a hundred times a day people were sympathetically cocking their heads to one side and saying, "It must be so hard to be away from home for Christmas..."

And a hundred times a day I would have to decide whether or not to explain that I wasn't Christian (gasp! like Vanuatu all over again!), and that Christmas really really REALLY doesn't mean anything to me or my family, and if I was up for the series of questions I might explain that I have been away from "home" for a very long time, and I might even go so far as to declare that I've never really been a "home person". I really felt like everyone around me really wanted me to be depressed about being single and foreign on Christmas. So I guess I kind of rolled with it for awhile...

Also I was totally broke with no idea how I was going to pay my rent week to week.

That hasn't really changed much, but I do cry about it less frequently than I did in December.

But anyway, I am meant to be focusing on The Practical.

So what I didn't realize is that, like the tropics, Auckland really does shut down for the holidays. There was no extra cash to be a made, I would be on holiday with or without my consent. And just when I returned from the library with a stack of books to feed my soul in solitude, the opportunity came up to go to Prana for free as a worker at a stall for a local organic food store. In about 72 hours, various new friends pitched in to lend me a tent, flashlight, etc, cover my classes at the gym and organize rides for me. It was all feeling very blessed.

One of the funniest things that stands out for me about this preparation phase is how deeply embarrassed I felt admitting that I did not have a functional flashlight or pocket knife on hand...at all times. You can take the girl out of Peace Corps, but you can't take Peace Corps out of the girl!

How could I describe the Prana experience efficiently yet effectively?

I remember afterwards declaring it was as transformative as walking into my one-month Yoga Teacher's Training Course a staunch atheist at 20 years old and walking out a devotee...but even crazier considering I had had no plans to be there, had no idea what to expect, and it was only five days...with a bunch of (mostly) strangers with no particular organization or tradition uniting them other than a generalized interest in spirituality, music, eco-politics and/or the healing arts.
New friendships were ignited, old friendships were renewed and young friendships were cemented.

Everything that had seemed so hard and overwhelming about life just...stopped seeming hard and overwhelming for awhile.

Incidentally, I will be returning to Prana over Easter weekend for a smaller, quieter version of the New Year's festival. I pledge to remain expectation-free in the meantime.

When I returned from Prana, the rest of my January can be defined by a single phrase: "Short + Sweet". This ten-minute play festival ran for the last two weeks of January. Here's a news clip about it, but I sort of have a feeling you may not be able to view it from outside of New Zealand...

In Short + Sweet, I wrote and directed one play, co-directed and acted in a second, and Just Plain Acted in a third. It was an exciting experience for a number of reasons, mostly because it was my New Zealand acting and directing debut and my playwriting debut period. It was an exhausting and inspiring time...plus my legs got really strong from cycling to and from the theatre...

February marked my first show and official induction into Auckland Playback Theatre, a company and form I adore more and more as time goes on. Founded by Jonathan Fox in New York in the 1970s, "Playback Theatre is an original form of improvisational theatre in which audience or group members tell stories from their lives and watch them enacted on the spot. Whether in theatres, workshops, educational or clinical settings, Playback Theatre draws people closer as they see their common humanity." That's from the Playback School website you can go to to find a company near you...

In fact, Playback is so awesome I just know I am going to have blog separately about it at some stage.

At the other end of February, after months of rehearsal, Wet Hot Btchs finally had our 2010 premiere under the more family-friendly title of 'Wet Hot Beauties'...in the pool.


From the press release:

Pretty ladies all in a row!
A fantastical aquacade!
A memorial to the King Of Pop!
A hand in glove mix of syncronised swimming and water boogie - don't miss the underwater hit of the summer!

Deeply silly, delightful and glorious, the 40s era water musical aquacade is back, MJ styles! Hilarious! Hot! Wet! Wet Hot Beauties!



It was amazing...obviously. (That photo was not part of any press release - I just put it in cause, like, this is my blog and stuff...)

March...


...began with the fortuitous combination of a terrible cold and an amazing, intensive training for the newly-established Clown Doctors New Zealand, a partner organization of the long-ago-established Rotenasen (Red Noses) International. Pretty much I'm not allowed to say anything about the program launch in Auckland until the PR moguls have done their thing, but feel free to give us money in the meantime...

What I can say with impunity is that I had 20 Clown Doctors on my patio on Tuesday night to celebrate the end of (initial) training and to say Bon Voyage to our teacher returning to Vienna and other staff back to the South Island. I do so like having parties.

Since Halloween I have been teaching a free Yoga-in-the-Park class on Saturday mornings (weather-permitting). It's in the park.


Which brings us pretty much up to speed.

You may also be wondering how I pay my rent. To be honest, I am kind of amazed it happens myself.

So for money I teach a couple fitness classes a week at a gym, I've run a couple 6-week yoga courses, I babysit adorable toddlers in my neighbourhood, and as of a couple weeks ago I telemarket Me Time Pamper Packs - enter code 9572 to get $5 off (Aucklanders only would care). I've even ended up with a couple eensy-weensy gigs behind the camera which has been awesome and I definitely hope to do more of that sort of thing. But yeah, it's been a pretty hand-to-mouth existence the last few months...

A friend recently suggested that one day I will fondly look back on my starving artist days with a kind of bemused nostalgia...and if nothing else have a good laugh about it...(of course with the implication that I won't still be living them at the time). I hope that's true. I find the thought comforting nonetheless.

To My New Filing Cabinet...

You only cost $5 on TradeMe.

And though it appears I rescued you from certain destruction,
I don’t know how you feel about your new GL digs.

It sure is a long way from Parnell.

I’ll let you in on a little secret
Since it looks like we’ll be working together for awhile now:

You are my last and only hope.

Maybe it’s too soon for such confessions.
After all, we’ve only just met.

But what you are to me,
is the best of everything that has been
and may be.

Keeper of my dreams,
guardian of my secrets,
a window to The Good Life
just
beyond
my fingertips…

Late nights and full moons
forgotten dreams and the rustle of
buried regrets
nestled amongst
precious seedlings of possibility
waiting for the faith to breathe them into life.

Just you and me, Filing Cabinet
against the world.

Ode to 2009

It is high time we reconciled.

After all, we are running out of time.


Who knew when we began what you would do to me?

There were nights you nearly broke my heart.
There were nights I nearly died in your arms.

And somehow you have found the nerve
to show up drunk
and stumbling
upon my doorstep
begging my forgiveness
pleading my remembrance
as if
as if I could ever forget.

You know, they say you've changed me.

They used to say we looked good together.
Now they are afraid to even ask how you are.

How many times did it seem you were two steps ahead of me?
How many times have I shouted into your shadow?
And how many times did you turn your back on me in the darkness?

How could you meet my sobs with cold, stony silence
and act like nothing had even happened
by morning?

I would have followed you across the universe if you asked me to.

As it is, I crossed an ocean.

And in your name, there remains one ocean I have not dared to cross.

I know you never promised me a rose garden.
But there was a time it seemed like you and I could be anything together.

We would slay dragons, conquer whole armies...

Do you remember?
We promised to move mountains together.

And look at us now.

And as the curtain begins to close on our story,
I can't help but wonder

Could I have been more for you?

I just wanted to make you proud.

I didn't know
I didn't know how the dragons would fight back.

I didn't know
those armies had soldiers
hiding
in every nook and cranny
of those mountains
and I didn't know those mountains
had been there
since before time began.

If I could do it all over again,
I guess I might have held you a little closer,
breathed you in a little deeper.

I thought you came here tonight so I could forgive you
but in the end
it seems
I am the one on my knees.

So what do you say
we cut our losses
shake hands
and part as friends?

Because if nothing else
I learned from you
the sun always swallows the moon
some dragons can be tamed
and some mountains are nothing
but castles in the sand.

Goodbye, 2009.
You'll be forever in my heart.

Suburbia

For anyone who ever heard me swear up and down I would never return to suburbia, I assure you, it's different in Auckland. Suburbs are where people live, and downtown is where people work and go to bars. Unless you work in the arts, in which case you just work in the suburbs. Really. It's weird.

Anyway.

It's been a busy couple of months, and unfortunately I don't have anything particularly insightful or even mildly reflective to share at this time. Things are slowing down considerably over the next couple weeks and so I anticipate having time and (head)space to pick up the proverbial pen/keyboard again soon.

In the meantime...here are a few photos to give you a snapshot of my life.

These are the people I live with:



These two photos were taken during my birthday party a couple weeks ago, by the talented NZ photographer Doug Barry-Martin. Ironically, the photos have an extremely still and lonely feel despite the fact there was a 'raging' party brewing inside - I enjoy the juxtaposition.



An 'intimate' view of my backyard. And, yes, that is my underwear hanging on the line. My mother will cringe as I was not brought up to be such a tacky host, but it was an extremely busy day (we went to see the Dalai Lama speak before the party). Also, I thought my Peace Corps friends would get a kick out of seeing what is clearly $3 Au Bon Marche underwear - yep, it's been six months out of the field and I still haven't gotten around to new underwear. Lovely.



Just across the park...

I'm still alive...

And well, I promise.

I personally find blogs where people just list all the things they're doing incredibly boring and kind of annoying. But there hasn't been a lot of time for ponderous reflection and playful musings in the last couple months - hence my apparent silence. Auckland ain't the island, that's for sure.

Expect an appropriate update in the next two weeks...