Ode to 2009

It is high time we reconciled.

After all, we are running out of time.


Who knew when we began what you would do to me?

There were nights you nearly broke my heart.
There were nights I nearly died in your arms.

And somehow you have found the nerve
to show up drunk
and stumbling
upon my doorstep
begging my forgiveness
pleading my remembrance
as if
as if I could ever forget.

You know, they say you've changed me.

They used to say we looked good together.
Now they are afraid to even ask how you are.

How many times did it seem you were two steps ahead of me?
How many times have I shouted into your shadow?
And how many times did you turn your back on me in the darkness?

How could you meet my sobs with cold, stony silence
and act like nothing had even happened
by morning?

I would have followed you across the universe if you asked me to.

As it is, I crossed an ocean.

And in your name, there remains one ocean I have not dared to cross.

I know you never promised me a rose garden.
But there was a time it seemed like you and I could be anything together.

We would slay dragons, conquer whole armies...

Do you remember?
We promised to move mountains together.

And look at us now.

And as the curtain begins to close on our story,
I can't help but wonder

Could I have been more for you?

I just wanted to make you proud.

I didn't know
I didn't know how the dragons would fight back.

I didn't know
those armies had soldiers
hiding
in every nook and cranny
of those mountains
and I didn't know those mountains
had been there
since before time began.

If I could do it all over again,
I guess I might have held you a little closer,
breathed you in a little deeper.

I thought you came here tonight so I could forgive you
but in the end
it seems
I am the one on my knees.

So what do you say
we cut our losses
shake hands
and part as friends?

Because if nothing else
I learned from you
the sun always swallows the moon
some dragons can be tamed
and some mountains are nothing
but castles in the sand.

Goodbye, 2009.
You'll be forever in my heart.

Suburbia

For anyone who ever heard me swear up and down I would never return to suburbia, I assure you, it's different in Auckland. Suburbs are where people live, and downtown is where people work and go to bars. Unless you work in the arts, in which case you just work in the suburbs. Really. It's weird.

Anyway.

It's been a busy couple of months, and unfortunately I don't have anything particularly insightful or even mildly reflective to share at this time. Things are slowing down considerably over the next couple weeks and so I anticipate having time and (head)space to pick up the proverbial pen/keyboard again soon.

In the meantime...here are a few photos to give you a snapshot of my life.

These are the people I live with:



These two photos were taken during my birthday party a couple weeks ago, by the talented NZ photographer Doug Barry-Martin. Ironically, the photos have an extremely still and lonely feel despite the fact there was a 'raging' party brewing inside - I enjoy the juxtaposition.



An 'intimate' view of my backyard. And, yes, that is my underwear hanging on the line. My mother will cringe as I was not brought up to be such a tacky host, but it was an extremely busy day (we went to see the Dalai Lama speak before the party). Also, I thought my Peace Corps friends would get a kick out of seeing what is clearly $3 Au Bon Marche underwear - yep, it's been six months out of the field and I still haven't gotten around to new underwear. Lovely.



Just across the park...

I'm still alive...

And well, I promise.

I personally find blogs where people just list all the things they're doing incredibly boring and kind of annoying. But there hasn't been a lot of time for ponderous reflection and playful musings in the last couple months - hence my apparent silence. Auckland ain't the island, that's for sure.

Expect an appropriate update in the next two weeks...

Just A Morning

Upon checking the date this morning, the following thought occurred to me,

"Shit! It's October? And Janis Joplin was already DEAD by 27!"

(The photo on the right is meant to indicate that I am unimpressed with my late start in artistic achievements and am about to GET SERIOUS).

At the Movies
On Sunday I began a new screenplay, because I just don't have enough unfinished projects at the moment...

I have made an interesting proposition to myself over a cup of Rooibos this morning: absolutely every character has to be consciously (loosely) based on someone I know or at least have met personally.

Perhaps you will all feel violated, but I think it is a really interesting exercise in observation, imagination, and extrapolation and anyway, you don't really have a choice so...yeah.

But have no fear, Kokoru-Kamam: The Movie is still canoeing along slowly but surely and I hope you will hear a lot about more about it in the coming months. I was able to view the first two hours of footage last week and much to my relief and delight it was not 120 minutes of fuzz, snow, blurry fog or weird audio (okay, there is a really weird sound problem in one scene when the boys playing the bamboo drums are like 100 times louder than the old men singing with them - but I have confidence that some audio specialist somewhere knows how to fix it and actually it kind of looks sort of cool and surreal and even maybe like I did it on purpose.)

When the appropriate funds manifest to purchase a computer more vibrant and capable than this terminally disabled laptop, the editing process will begin in earnest.

On the Waterfront
And for those of you who heard about the tsunami warnings here yesterday, at the end of the day Auckland City was not swept into the sea. Please re-direct your concern and prayers to those in the Philippines, Samoa and Indonesia for the time being...

Where Are You My Only One?

If you live in Wellington, and even if you don't, I would run (not walk) to see
Where Are You My Only One? at Circa Theatre.

It was without a doubt the (accidental) highlight of my weekend in Welly.

When I have some more time, I will be more than happy to pontificate as to why it was such a moving and beautiful experience, but I want to post this as soon as possible because I actually don't want to risk even just one more soul NOT seeing this play because I don't have time to write a proper review right now.

It was that awesome.

"Don't you just love eating while watching fitness videos?"

That is the current quote of the week (which changes daily), as agreed upon by the fabulous Dryden street flatmates.

It seems like only a moment ago I had no job and now I apparently have 5. This occurred to me when I realized it's 12:15 a.m. and I have been "working" on the computer far too long and far too late for an allegedly unemployed person.

These are all my new jobs, some of which I have already begun and some of which are due to start upon my return from my trip to New Plymouth next week.

In order of hilariousness to most expected...

1) working for a temp agency being a daycare supply teacher (favourite/worst-paying)
2) being a PA (probably soon to be favourite)
3) random babysitting for families I am meeting in the park
4) teaching yoga & fitness classes at a gym
5) doing Ayurvedic nutrition therapy
6) sorting out the whole yoga/workshop/retreat operation (with potential cool new partners)

Okay, so 6. And I think there may be a couple others I've forgotten as well.

So, yeah, pretty much my old life in Toronto with some exciting new twists, different characters and scenery, and a healthier more relaxed perspective on it all.

Now I just need to manifest some acting work and I can call it The Life I Want.

Cruisin'

So I drove ALL around downtown Auckland yesterday (a busy shopper's Saturday at that) and nobody died!

Take THAT, Other Side of the Road!

P.S. A very special shoutout to my new flatmate Andrew who lent me both his vehicle and confidence for the afternoon. Quote of the week: "I mean, I would prefer if you didn't smash up my car, but, like, it's okay if you do..."