Ode to 2009

It is high time we reconciled.

After all, we are running out of time.


Who knew when we began what you would do to me?

There were nights you nearly broke my heart.
There were nights I nearly died in your arms.

And somehow you have found the nerve
to show up drunk
and stumbling
upon my doorstep
begging my forgiveness
pleading my remembrance
as if
as if I could ever forget.

You know, they say you've changed me.

They used to say we looked good together.
Now they are afraid to even ask how you are.

How many times did it seem you were two steps ahead of me?
How many times have I shouted into your shadow?
And how many times did you turn your back on me in the darkness?

How could you meet my sobs with cold, stony silence
and act like nothing had even happened
by morning?

I would have followed you across the universe if you asked me to.

As it is, I crossed an ocean.

And in your name, there remains one ocean I have not dared to cross.

I know you never promised me a rose garden.
But there was a time it seemed like you and I could be anything together.

We would slay dragons, conquer whole armies...

Do you remember?
We promised to move mountains together.

And look at us now.

And as the curtain begins to close on our story,
I can't help but wonder

Could I have been more for you?

I just wanted to make you proud.

I didn't know
I didn't know how the dragons would fight back.

I didn't know
those armies had soldiers
hiding
in every nook and cranny
of those mountains
and I didn't know those mountains
had been there
since before time began.

If I could do it all over again,
I guess I might have held you a little closer,
breathed you in a little deeper.

I thought you came here tonight so I could forgive you
but in the end
it seems
I am the one on my knees.

So what do you say
we cut our losses
shake hands
and part as friends?

Because if nothing else
I learned from you
the sun always swallows the moon
some dragons can be tamed
and some mountains are nothing
but castles in the sand.

Goodbye, 2009.
You'll be forever in my heart.

Suburbia

For anyone who ever heard me swear up and down I would never return to suburbia, I assure you, it's different in Auckland. Suburbs are where people live, and downtown is where people work and go to bars. Unless you work in the arts, in which case you just work in the suburbs. Really. It's weird.

Anyway.

It's been a busy couple of months, and unfortunately I don't have anything particularly insightful or even mildly reflective to share at this time. Things are slowing down considerably over the next couple weeks and so I anticipate having time and (head)space to pick up the proverbial pen/keyboard again soon.

In the meantime...here are a few photos to give you a snapshot of my life.

These are the people I live with:



These two photos were taken during my birthday party a couple weeks ago, by the talented NZ photographer Doug Barry-Martin. Ironically, the photos have an extremely still and lonely feel despite the fact there was a 'raging' party brewing inside - I enjoy the juxtaposition.



An 'intimate' view of my backyard. And, yes, that is my underwear hanging on the line. My mother will cringe as I was not brought up to be such a tacky host, but it was an extremely busy day (we went to see the Dalai Lama speak before the party). Also, I thought my Peace Corps friends would get a kick out of seeing what is clearly $3 Au Bon Marche underwear - yep, it's been six months out of the field and I still haven't gotten around to new underwear. Lovely.



Just across the park...